Once Upon a Summertime
by QueenOfQuiet17
Summary: When Will and Jack are away on their summer vacations, Grace and Karen fall into a brilliant three-week romance. But once the boys return, their brief relationship becomes a secret, never to be mentioned or acted on again. That is, unless Grace can muster up the courage to tell Will exactly what Karen means to her.
1. This Change in My Luck

_NOTE: The lyrics to two Blossom Dearie songs are used in this fic; the lyrics to "Once Upon a Summertime" are in bold, while the lyrics to "Lucky to Be Me" are in italics._

* * *

"_**Once upon a summertime, if you recall  
**__**We stopped beside a little flower stall  
**__**A bunch of bright forget me nots was all I'd let you buy me  
**__**Once upon a summertime just like today  
**__**We laughed the happy afternoon away  
**__**And stole a kiss at every street cafe..."**_

The way it all fell into place would make it so easy for Grace to look back on this down the road and believe it was nothing but a dream. One of those dreams that was so realistic, it just slides into your memory as something that you're convinced really happened. One of those dreams where you swear you could feel it when you touched the one you were dreaming about. One of those dreams that would make you sound crazy if you ever tried to explain it to anyone.

One of those dreams you keep hoping will come back to you someday, even though it never does. But you still hope.

There were no witnesses, no one she could turn to later on to prove to her that it was real. Will was finally off on that scuba trip with Joe and Larry, after years of pushing it back and endless effort on Grace's part to convince him that even though her marriage had just fallen apart, she would be fine on her own for a few weeks. Jack's mother dragged him on one of those cruises she loved so much, for a dreaded little family vacation he constantly complained about taking in the days before the ship left the harbor. Which left Grace and Karen to their own devices for a three-week stretch of the summer directly following both of their divorces. Grace wasn't sure if it was the beautiful weather outside the office or the sudden dry spell of clients inside it that kept making them fidget in their seats, kept making them glance at the clock every three minutes. She wasn't sure if the need to be distracted from the way Leo lied and the way Lyle was oblivious to everything Karen needed in a relationship added fuel to the fire. Maybe it was a little bit of everything. But she knew it wouldn't be long before she went insane from filling her sketchbook with meaningless scribbles and doodles in an attempt to keep herself occupied. And maybe Karen sensed it; maybe Karen was feeling it too, only able to flip through the pages of the same issue of _Vogue_ so many times before she ended up throwing it across the office in frustration. But whatever it was that caused it, that spark of light in the dark haired woman's eyes when she finally found a way out of the tedium commanded the redhead's gaze, and Grace instantly knew she would follow it wherever it led.

There were no questions, although there probably should have been. But if Grace was being completely honest with herself, it always felt like this was bound to happen. It always felt like they were slowly making their way down this road, and sometimes she could feel herself growing impatient to get to the end, to finally know what it was like to reach the destination you were always meant to reach. With any other person, it would have felt so out of the blue, so strange to fall into it without thinking. But this was Karen; the strangest, most out of the blue things felt so natural when she held them out for you, and you couldn't help but go along with them. But Grace could never help putting up a little front before she did. So when the dullness of the afternoon finally got to Karen, and she let the weight of her magazine crash against her desk, announcing their exit-"Honey, I can't take this anymore, we're getting out of here. Come on, let's go."-the redhead tried not to sound as eager as she actually was.

"Karen, I'm not going on another one of your shopping sprees." That was clearly what her assistant was getting at, wasn't it? Just an excuse to slip into a few boutiques, drop a few thousand dollars with an ease Grace knew she would never begin to possess. Although, to be fair, it wasn't like Grace wouldn't tag along just for something to do, even though... "Last time, you told me to pick out whatever I wanted, but you kept wincing every time I picked something up, and I left with nothing."

"Not _every_ time! Just when it was something orange. Or yellow. Or ruffled. Or striped. Or had polka dots. _Or_ that dress that was gonna make you look like a sad disco ball…"

"Okay, okay! I get it!" Grace interrupted, trying to stop the roll Karen undoubtedly thought she was on. And fine, maybe Grace had to admit that she _was_ on a roll, even if it was at her expense. But still... "My point exactly. I'm not subjecting myself to that again."

"Gracie, no one said anything about shopping. Although…" Karen made her way across the room until she could brush her fingers against the fabric of Grace's blouse, "maybe we should put a pin in that one." Grace took a breath to defend herself before she saw the smirk start to play across Karen's face and caught onto the joke. "But good _lord,_ honey, do you really want to be cooped up in here all day? Let's just go out there," she said, gesturing to the window. "We can figure the rest out as we go." She grabbed her purse from underneath her desk before she held out her hand. "Come on…" she drew out, the look in her eyes nearly setting Grace on fire without the redhead knowing exactly why. "Don't make me go alone."

Grace tried to make a big show of it, letting out an exaggerated sigh like she was really going out of her way to make Karen happy. But she knew she had the worst poker face in the world, and the way Karen's smile grew over her theatrics let her know the dark haired woman could see right through her. Which made a laugh break through her sigh as she reached for her purse. "Okay," she murmured. She took Karen's hand and marvelled at how her assistant's touch could be so soft and so firm at once. "Whisk me away."

Karen gave her hand a little squeeze. "Gladly," she smiled as she led the redhead out the door.

Grace had never heard her sound as genuinely warm as she did in that moment. And she found herself wanting to find a way to keep that voice close to her ear all the time.

The sunlight blinded Grace the second they escaped the Puck Building, making her cast her gaze to the concrete of the sidewalk, following the path Karen's slingbacks were taking as her eyes adjusted. Karen kept breaking the silence Grace didn't know how to fill with the smallest small talk, with "Aren't you glad we got out of there when we did?" (yes, of course) and "How hard is it for someone to book an appointment and give us something to do?" (not that hard) and "I can't believe they're sleeping on your talent." Grace assumed "they" were the ones who couldn't book appointments to occupy them, but the compliment was slipped in so seamlessly, so casually, that it stood out to her more than anything else, and she didn't know what to say.

Because when did Karen Walker ever admit she was talented without some sharp backhanded quip following it?

Before she could find the right words, Karen stopped abruptly, nearly making Grace crash into her. When the redhead steadied herself, she realized the dark haired woman led her to a flower stand and was studying the rainbow selection in front of her. She watched as Karen's eyes locked on a bunch of the most vibrantly blue forget me nots she had ever seen and started gravitating towards them. "Karen, what are you doing?" she finally managed.

"Well, honey, if you're not going to let me brighten up your wardrobe, at least let me brighten things up this way." Grace's smile grew into a laugh the second she heard Karen try to get the vendor's attention-"Hey, Flower Salesman! Wrap those up, will ya?"-marveling at this glimpse of her assistant that she wasn't usually privy to. Not a lot of people knew how deep Karen's generosity really ran; most simply assumed it didn't run at all. But Grace could see it peek through from time to time, could see the cracks in Karen's armor and loved the woman behind it as much as she loved the woman who was presented to the rest of the world. It filled her to know that Karen trusted her like that. It filled her to know that Karen's generosity could wrap its arms around her like this, with no warning, with no prodding. It filled her to know that Karen would take her hand and hold it tight like it was second nature, like her hand was always meant to be wrapped around Grace's. Maybe her hand _was_ always meant to be wrapped around Grace's.

Maybe that was why Grace didn't realize she was still holding Karen's hand until Karen let go to pay the man with a couple small bills she was surprised she was carrying; maybe she needed that touch to feel at ease, to be at peace. Because she missed it terribly as soon as it was gone.

But it was worth missing it to feel the spark of Karen's fingertips brushing her skin as she handed off the bouquet.

She felt the spark travel throughout her body as she held the forget me nots close to her chest, never once questioning why she felt it in the first place. Of course she felt it. Of course Karen would be the one to make her feel it. Of course Karen could pinpoint what she had been missing in her marriage-had been missing in most of her relationships, if she really thought about it-and give it to her in a heartbeat. And of course Karen wouldn't make a big deal about it. Because why make a big deal about the inevitable? Why make a big deal about girls nights and elastic boundaries and kissing each other for every reason under the sun eventually leading to the logical conclusion?

This made sense to her; as strange and out of the blue these moments of kindness and sentimentality may seem on any other day, this made sense. Grace couldn't remember the last time something in her life made so much sense. And she'd be damned if she was going to mess it up by asking questions she honestly didn't care to answer. So she inched herself closer to Karen, linked her arm around Karen's, sighed as she felt Karen relax into her body. And she knew she didn't want to go back to the office just yet. "Maybe we should find some place for a drink," she shrugged, trying to play it off as nonchalantly as she could. "I know I could go for something right about now."

Karen's grin couldn't be contained. "Now, look who's getting into the spirit of things," she teased. "So what, all I had to do was woo you with some flowers?"

The redhead made a show of thinking about it even though she was convinced they both knew the answer was obvious. "It didn't hurt," she played back, giving a little shrug. Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of Karen's breathless laugh, and she let it linger between them for a few moments before she murmured in all seriousness, "But you know...I'd follow you anywhere. With or without the flowers."

Maybe she shouldn't have said it. Maybe it was too much too soon. Maybe she should have stuck with the joking vibe they had curated so easily against the Manhattan sun. But the way Karen gave her arm a squeeze before she rested her head on Grace's shoulder told her it was okay. And she settled into the moment.

They wandered until they found a cafe in Greenwich Village that looked inviting, and they settled around an outdoor table, Karen keeping up the small talk so seamlessly until the waiter came back with their cappuccinos. But as Grace tried to bring her drink to her lips, Karen reached out for her wrist, trying to guide the mug back down to the table.

"Bup-bup-bup!" the dark haired woman exclaimed. She held a finger up to the redhead with one hand while she fished around in her purse with the other, her eyes lighting up when she found what she was looking for. She pulled a silver flask out of her bag and started to unscrew the top. "These need a little something extra." She poured a little bit of whatever was in there into her mug before reaching over and doing the same with Grace's.

"Kare, you haven't even tasted yours yet, how do you know they need something?"

"Gracie, I don't need to taste it to know what's missing. Trust me, okay?" She screwed the cap back on the flask and slid it in her purse before she brought her mug to Grace's in a silent toast in and took a drink.

"You know, I'm not used to seeing this sweeter side of you," Grace smirked as she took a sip of her spiked cappuccino, unable to contain her "Mmm" when she tasted how wonderful Karen's little addition made it.

Karen let out a short, lighthearted laugh; whether it was over her reaction to the cappuccino or the words that spilled into the air, Grace couldn't be sure, but she welcomed it all the same. "Honey, whaddya talk? You know I care about you," she said.

"I know you do. In your own special way. It's just that usually, I have to dodge a few jabs first, before we get to this place."

She watched as Karen considered what she had said and took a breath. "Yeah, well...we joke around a lot, but you and I have had it pretty rough the last couple of months. We deserve to have a good day. And if I can give you a good day, then it's a good day for me, too."

Karen said it like it was nothing, like it was the foregone conclusion all along, like there was no other option and she assumed everyone else knew it too. But Leo didn't know it; Leo never seemed to put the effort into finding a balance, never seemed to want to figure out how they could give each other good days, then eventually found someone else to have good days with while they were still wearing each other's rings. And she didn't know much about Lyle Finster, but from everything she parsed together from conversations with Karen, he didn't figure it out either. It made her heart ache for Karen, that the dark haired woman had been so ready to share her life with someone who didn't really know how to make her happy, who didn't know how to gauge her mood by her drink order, who didn't fully understand what a gift it was every time she touched you.

Grace knew all of those things about Karen. She just never gave it any thought to act on that knowledge. Until now. Now, she was single and Karen was single. Now, there was nothing holding her back, nothing to make her guilty about feeling all of the things she tried not to admit to herself she was feeling every time they got a little close. Now, they had a chance.

And she knew she would regret it if she didn't grab it.

"Rest assured, this is a good day," she murmured, sliding her hand over Karen's. "I can't remember the last time I had this good of a day."

"Leon really didn't know what he had, did he?" Grace couldn't help it; her lips started to curl into a smile at the sound of Karen butchering Leo's name. It was crazy how something that once frustrated her so much now gave her an immense sense of pleasure. "He should have known how to treat you. He should have known how to give you what you wanted. He should have known to ask you what you want."

It wasn't the blunt assessment of her broken marriage that surprised Grace; it was the way Karen brought her hand to her lips and kissed her palm in the most tender, heartfelt gesture that knocked every other thought out of her head. She had always known a certain intimacy with Karen, to where something like this shouldn't take her breath away. But it did. Because this one felt different. It felt brilliant. It felt new. It felt filled with intent. It felt the way she always wanted it to feel, the way she could never quite admit to herself she craved. She took a breath and tried to steady the voice she knew would be shaky if she tried to speak right away. "But you seem to know how to do those things," she said. "You're doing them pretty well."

She could feel Karen smile into her palm and nearly melted. "I do my best," Karen said softly as she pulled away. "So tell me...what is it you really want?"

It took all Grace had to keep herself from telling Karen she wanted everything (although, part of her thought that if she said she wanted everything, it wouldn't ruin the moment...this _was_ Karen, after all). But in that moment, she realized she _did_ want everything. She wanted to feel the way she felt right now all the time. She wanted the lines they had blurred over the years to be so unrecognizable, they no longer exist. She wanted everything that ensured they could stay like this. The words were on the tip of her tongue; she could have let them spill out onto the table. Instead, she tried to take it slow.

She looked down at the way their hands were entwined, missing her assistant's kiss on her palm. "I want you to do that again," she said, nearly a whisper.

Karen caught her eye from across the table, that gaze fanning a flame Grace wished would burn forever. She had something up her sleeve, Grace knew it. "I think I can do you one better, honey," she said. She lifted her free hand, beckoned Grace to slide over to her side, waited until the redhead was within an inch of her. She brushed a wildfire lock behind Grace's ear, let her touch linger along her boss' cheek. And then she leaned in, brushing her lips against Grace's.

In the seven years they had known each other, Grace lost count of the times Karen had kissed her. To prove a point, to kill time, to nudge a boundary a little closer to the edge of the cliff. There were a million reasons attached to a million kisses, and none of them were ever that serious. But this time, this kiss, meant something. This was serious, important, critical. Grace could feel it; Grace could taste it. It felt like they had finally gotten over themselves and gave in to what was always there. It tasted strong, like this wouldn't fade, like this could last into tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. But she needed to know that she wasn't imagining it. So she took a chance.

And she deepened the kiss.

The way Karen let out a little sigh of surprise, the way she smiled into Grace's mouth as she gathered her bearings. The way she pulled Grace in as close as she could, her hands cupping Grace's face in a way that was so gentle and so electric at the same time. This was real; this was proof. She could let herself fall, and she was certain, in this moment, Karen would catch her. Although...she was beginning to think that she could have fallen at any time during the last seven years, and Karen would have been there to catch her. Because Karen had always been there. Karen would always be there if she happened to fall, she was sure of it. She just never before realized she could let herself do it.

Karen pulled away, breathless and smiling. "Oh, honey…" she whispered. "I'm beginning to think you and I want the same thing."

Well. There was no stopping her now. Not after that. Not after hearing exactly what she needed to hear to shake off that last little bit of inhibition. If she was going to fall, she was going to fall all the way. She rested her forehead against Karen's, let her fingers brush against Karen's collarbone. And she murmured, "I'm beginning to think I should take you home with me."

The dark haired woman reached up to Grace's hand and caught it in hers; how that warmth was able to send shivers throughout Grace's body, the redhead would never understand. "So, what are you waiting for?" Karen asked slyly. "Take me home."

Grace watched as Karen refused to wait for their waiter, threw a bill down on the table that could have easily payed for their check a few times over, and stood up to make her exit. She grabbed the hand her assistant was offering to her and rushed from the cafe to hail a cab. She half expected Karen to complain about that, say something about how she employed a chauffeur for a reason, but she never objected. Maybe she was just as impatient as Grace was to get uptown. That had to be it. Because as soon as they slid into the cab's back seat, she could feel how charged the air was, how they just wanted to do something, but they didn't want to do anything with a stranger so close to them. This moment was too sacred to just jump into. This moment was a long time coming, even if the cab seemed to inch excruciatingly slowly towards their destination. So if they had to wait a little longer, if they had to tide themselves over with the way their thighs brushed together and the way their fingers sparked each other's skin when they traveled each other's arms, then they would wait. Grace was already struggling; they had barely started their trek uptown, and it already took everything she had not to just pull Karen in and start exploring her skin. It was bordering on hell.

But she knew with everything she had that it would be worth it once they made it to her door.

* * *

She dreamed about this once. Years ago. After that stretch of time when Will was acting strange around her for reasons he wouldn't reveal, and she slipped and started dating the man he was paying to help him through it. After they moved past her indiscretion and his issues and found themselves on steady ground again. After a pitcher of homemade margaritas loosened them and their secrets up, and he finally told her about the dreams he had about her, the ones his therapist swore weren't about sex but presented themselves like it anyway. After her tipsy giggle broke out into full-blown laughter because she couldn't believe _that's_ what the problem was, that he was annoyed she had temporarily replaced Stone Phillips in his nightly imaginary trysts. After he tried to get her to cool down by asking if she ever had dreams like that about one of her friends, by telling her that if she did, she'd freak out too. After she insisted it wasn't a big deal. After she started to sober up and went back to her own apartment across the hall.

She dreamed about this, and when she woke up, she blamed Will. He was the one who put the idea in her head. He was the one who influenced her. He was the one who coaxed that incredibly vivid image of Karen out of hiding, the one that traveled her curves so deftly and knew exactly what she wanted, the one that hovered above her like an angel before diving for a kiss that Grace swore she felt even though she knew it was impossible, the one that made her try to chase the bliss in those few moments after her eyes opened and she was thrown back into a lonelier reality. She woke up wanting Karen. And it was all Will's fault.

Except it wasn't. Not really. Not at all. She knew that. But it made it easier to forget the way the dream rattled her if she just told herself that he was to blame. It made it easier to forget the way the dream rattled her whenever it recurred. Because then she wouldn't have to deal with the revelation of how Karen made her feel, just keep it buried and keep going the way they always had. If she didn't give it a voice, it wasn't real. And she thought it was better for herself-for her heart-in the long run if she didn't make it real.

Now, though, she was lying on her mattress, anticipation coursing through her body. Now, she was exposed. Now, Karen was hovering above her like an angel before she dove for a kiss. Now, Grace could feel everything and know she wasn't imagining it, know it wasn't her subconscious playing tricks on her. Now, Grace knew she wouldn't have to chase the bliss, because this was reality, and this reality wasn't lonely.

She never thought she would live to see the day when her dream would actually come true.

She had been the one who led them to her bedroom, just in case Karen was still wondering if she was okay with this, just in case there was still a question of what she wanted. She had been the one to start sliding Karen's clothes off of her body, to sigh and smile when Karen returned the favor, to take Karen by the hand and gently pull her down on the bed. But Karen was the one who made her come alive. Karen was the one who knew how to thrill her. Karen thrilled her just by pressing her kiss to her neck. And they had barely gotten started.

Even after the charged impatience of the cab ride home, the dark haired woman took her time, studying every inch of Grace, letting her kiss travel a deliberate trail from her neck to her breast, her patience overwhelming Grace in a way urgency never could. All the men she knew before relied on urgency. They always got off on it, thought she would, too. And she would be lying if she said she didn't from time to time; the idea of someone needing her that badly was exhilarating under the right circumstances. But every time, she eventually started craving something different. Something tender, something sweet. Something that made her feel seen. She have never felt seen before, not fully; she just never thought she _could_ be seen like that.

But then Karen came along, caressing her skin like she wanted to stay like this for as long as they possibly could. Karen made her feel seen, made her feel like the only other person in the world. Karen teased her body in ways she never knew it could be teased, in ways that drove her out of her mind in the best way, gentle yet explosive in some moments, calculated yet frenetic in others. Karen paid attention when Grace tried to guide her to where she wanted her to go. Karen made it seem like she would not rest until Grace was fully satisfied. And Grace couldn't believe she had gone the last seven years without knowing what this felt like, without gasping when she felt Karen between her legs, without her body growing taut as she felt that unmistakable surge, as she rode the wave of the sweetest release she had ever known, without bringing Karen to her lips in the aftermath, spent but still wanting the dark haired woman's touch on her body.

She couldn't believe she had gone the last seven years without knowing what it felt like to give all of these things back to Karen.

Grace wasn't able to get over how stunning Karen looked when she was this bare, thought for sure she would study her curves and her porcelain skin for far too long and kill the vibe, make Karen wait for it until the frustration overshadowed the pleasure. But every time she caught a glimpse of Karen looking at her, the dark haired woman's eyes were filled with so much love (that's what it looked like, that's what Grace had to believe it was) that she knew this moment was indestructible. Every time she let her hands ride Karen's curves, she heard the way her assistant sighed, moaned, called her name, and knew she would never be able to get enough of the sound; she knew if she heard nothing else in this world but Karen's breathless "_Mmm,_ Gracie…" from here on out, she would be a happy woman. Every time she traveled further down Karen's body, Grace saw the way she clutched the sheets; every time Karen clutched the sheets, Grace felt it in her core. Every time Karen lifted her hips to try to reach Grace's touch, Grace wanted to give in to her wishes, even though she wanted to give Karen the same blissful tease she was given.

But when she finally let her fingers dance between Karen's legs, she wasn't at all prepared for the way the dark haired woman's trembling underneath her would send the most wonderful charge throughout her own body.

She watched as Karen's features twisted in ecstasy, as her assistant tried to stifle the cries of her release before realizing no one was around, no one could possibly walk in, and let herself go completely. She watched as Karen melted into the mattress afterward, and was overwhelmed by how connected she felt to her. She had never felt that before with anyone, that certainty that you're on the same level, feel the same things, think the same thoughts. She had always been a few lines ahead of the ones she gave her heart to, if not on another page entirely. But right now, with Karen, it felt like they were reading in unison the words to a story neither of them wanted to reach the end of. And in this moment, she truly believed they never would.

Grace found it nearly impossible to tear herself away, almost convinced that if she left the bed, if she stepped outside of this room, the spell would be broken. But eventually, after reveling in the afterglow, she journeyed to the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine and some glasses, noticing the bunch of forget me nots on the dining table and finding a vase for them to thrive in before rushing back to Karen. And when she made it back to the bedroom, she found the dark haired woman propped upright against the pillow and the headboard, looking so serene, so hopeful, so insanely beautiful that she almost didn't want to spoil the image by climbing back into bed. But she watched as Karen softly patted the space next to her, motioning for Grace to join, and the redhead couldn't resist.

"Hard to believe this never would have happened if things had gone a little bit differently in Vegas," she murmured. She settled back down on the mattress as she handed a glass off to Karen, and took a sip of her wine. "I wish I could have been there, though."

"So you could have seen me make a mistake?"

"So I could have stopped you from making one." At least it didn't last long with Lyle. At least Karen figured it out quickly, was able to get out without a lot of damage being done (it was more than she could honestly say for herself). But still, she couldn't help wondering… "What was it about him, anyway?"

Karen let a short laugh spill from her lips, making Grace realize she had said it out loud. "Honey, I think your post-coital chit chat might need a little work."

"Oh my god." The redhead winced, tried to hide her face behind her hand. "I shouldn't have said that, I'm so sorry."

"No, don't be." The dark haired woman gently grabbed a hold onto Grace's wrist, pulling her hand away so she could look into Grace's eyes. "You're kinda cute when you're awkward." On the lips of any other person, Grace would have been offended. But Karen sounded so endeared to her in that moment that she couldn't help feeling like she had just been given the highest compliment. "As for your question...god, I don't know. He liked me. He didn't annoy me...you know, at least until I started realizing he was allergic to compromise. Besides...I couldn't have what I really wanted, so I made do with at least having something."

"So what did you really want?"

Karen's eyes studied her with such intent, it would have brought her to her knees if she were standing. "Grace...I think you know. If you _really_ think about it."

There it was. That was what she needed. To know that she wasn't imagining it whenever she thought there was a little something extra in Karen's touch. To know that there was something about her that could turn Karen's head. It overwhelmed her. It stole her voice to where she could only manage a whisper. "You could have had it, though."

"Honey, when? You were married. There wasn't a chance."

"But there is now. We're here now."

The shine in Karen's eyes rivaled the shine of the moonlight spilling in through the window. "Yeah," she smiled. "We sure are."

When she felt Karen's lips brush against hers, Grace tasted the promise of the infinite possibilities laid out before them. But she couldn't help hearing the voice in the back of her mind trying to drag her down, trying to tell her that she should be wary. After all, nothing about this day was routine; who's to say they weren't just getting wrapped up in the moment, saying things they won't necessarily mean tomorrow, doing things that won't necessarily count once the sun comes up? Who's to say this will actually last the way she wanted it to? In the past, she had dreamed of Karen in her bed; who's to say this whole day wasn't just some elaborate dream, too?

What's going to happen when she wakes up?

Grace could tell Karen tasted her questions in their kiss. And when they pulled away, the dark haired woman wasted no time. "What are you worried about?" she asked.

Grace tried to shake her head to deny it, before she realized there was no use. She knew how perceptive Karen could be. She knew she wouldn't be able to hide it. "Tell me this isn't a fluke," she murmured. "Tell me this isn't just for tonight."

The look in Karen's eyes gave her so much hope before the dark haired woman rested her glass on the nightstand and leaned in close. "Oh, honey," she whispered, letting her fingers ride the wildfire locks framing Grace's face. "Quit worrying. I'm not going anywhere." She looked like she was hesitating for a moment, as though something came to mind she wasn't sure should hit the air. But then she took a breath. "Do you remember that time Ben took you to the yacht club when you were seeing him? When I was about to hit the age Stan's first wife was when they split and I was worried that I wasn't desirable anymore?"

"You mean the day I kept trying to cheer you up, and you kept showing your appreciation by calling me a lesbian?" Grace teased gently.

Karen shrugged and smirked. "You say potato…" she joked before she sighed herself back into seriousness. "You kept calling me sexy and beautiful and vibrant, and I know you were only doing it to make me feel better. But it sounded like you meant it."

Grace didn't skip a beat. "I did. Of course I did."

"That's when I knew I felt something for you. There was always something there, I think, but that's when I knew for sure. Even in the midst of worrying about whether Stan was going to leave me. It just felt like if I was with you instead of him, I wouldn't even be worrying about that in the first place. And it freaked me out because you weren't my husband, so I tried to push you away. But honey...I've never stopped feeling something for you. I've been waiting for this for a long time." She started weaving her fingers with Grace's, her fingertips sparking the redhead's skin every step of the way, as her eyes commanded Grace's attention. "So quit worrying," she said again. "I'm not going anywhere."

It was incredible, the way Grace could feel completely blindsided by something she wanted so desperately to hear. Karen sounded so genuine when she said it, there was no mistaking how real this was for her. There was no doubt that this was as real for her as it was for Grace. And Grace never thought they would actually get to this place, had been resigned to the revolving door of mediocre boyfriends her life kept spinning for her. To hear Karen now was to discover another way out, right next to the endless cycle, that was a direct connection to everything she wanted, everything she thought she deserved. And she knew the dark haired woman felt it, too. "Good," she managed, tightening her hold on Karen's hand. "Because I'm not going anywhere either."

They didn't need to say anything more; the air was already so filled with their promise. Grace could feel it wrap around them as they wrapped themselves around each other. It kept them safe. It made tomorrow look blindingly bright against the dark of the night. It made it easier to believe that they could wake up the next morning and keep moving forward, that nothing would change from the way they left things tonight. So they lay on the bed, tangled in the sheets, listening to the way their breath and their heartbeats mingled with the sounds of the summer night. They settled into each other like they had done this every night, like they were a few years into something they just started.

And they let their promise linger in the air as they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

They immediately fell into a brilliant routine without ever once putting it to words, like they both knew exactly how this was going to go and accepted their fate a long time ago. It was in Karen's eyes the second she woke up in Grace's apartment the morning after the cafe and the flowers and the way the certainty in Karen's actions made Grace's head swim; Grace hoped Karen could see it in her own eyes before she drew the dark haired woman in for a kiss. They went to work together, Karen clocking in at 9am for the first time in seven years. They tried to be productive in their own ways; Grace would check her messages in vain for someone asking for her creativity before trying to sketch something-anything-to keep herself sharp, Karen would fill her martini glass a couple times as she looked on. They usually dropped the charade a couple hours into the work day and escaped to the possibilities the Manhattan summer had to offer. They visited a few other street cafes before they realized their hearts stayed with the very first one. They talked about everything. They talked about nothing. They went back to the flower stand because Karen insisted another bouquet would liven up the office a little bit. They held each other close. They kissed in the sunlight. They kept their fingers laced together as they walked down the street. They spent their nights together in the comfort of 9C, like it was the only home either of them had ever known.

They danced across the hardwood floor of Grace's living room as often as they could.

It started five nights into their daydream love affair. Karen was thumbing through the CD collection at 9C while Grace wrestled with the cork of their second bottle of wine, humming as she searched, stopping in surprise as she landed on something that clearly reached out to her. Grace glanced over at Karen as the dark haired woman sighed a satisfied "Way to go, Wilma" as she opened the CD case and slid the disc into the stereo.

"How do you know it's not mine?" she asked with a furrowed brow and a muttered "Oh, come on" under her breath as she strained to break the Cabernet free.

"No offense, honey, but if you're gonna make me pick which one of you is the jazz aficionado of the household, I'm going with your husband every time." Karen smiled the second the piano chords started spilling from the speakers, affectionately singsonged "He's not my husband" in unison with Grace because of course she knew Grace was going to object to the joke, and turned to the redhead, catching a glimpse of the smile Grace failed to contain. "Unless you can tell me what song this is and prove me wrong," she smirked.

Grace felt Karen's eyes on her as she froze to try to come up with an answer that sounded even remotely possible, heard the breathless laugh that had instantly become her favorite sound and was so much sweeter when it was just for her, watched as Karen closed the gap between them. She felt her body relax as soon as she saw the shine in Karen's eyes. "That's what I thought," the dark haired woman murmured softly, without a hint of judgment. "Here." She took the wine bottle from Grace's grasp and opened it in one swift motion before setting it on the dining table (god, Grace should have known to just let Karen work her expert magic on it in the first place) and holding out her hand. "Let me expand your horizons."

The redhead could feel herself already start to melt into Karen's touch as she was led to the living room floor, sighed as she felt Karen's hand slide to the small of her back, enveloping her in the most intoxicating blend of safety, warmth, and gardenia perfume as they started swaying to the music. Grace wrapped her arms around Karen's shoulders, pressing herself as close to this woman as she possibly could and willing herself to never let go. If she never let go, she could always feel this. And she always wanted to feel this. She always wanted this softer side of Karen that no one else could see. And even though she wanted to show the world how extraordinary Karen was, she knew this was a gift that had only her name on the tag, and she intended to hold it to her chest as fiercely as she could. She felt Karen press a gentle kiss to her neck and she sighed to the sensation before Karen's voice brushed against her ear, singing along to the music in a voice so soft yet so powerful, it would have brought Grace to her knees if she wasn't holding on.

"_I am simply thunderstruck  
__At this change in my luck  
__Knew at once I wanted you  
__Never dreamed you'd want me, too"_

Grace couldn't pinpoint the exact thing that made her heart overflow. Maybe the way Karen's taste in music surprised her even though it felt exactly right when she really thought about it. Maybe the way Karen's voice carried so much of the emotion the dark haired woman claimed never to feel, like it was easier to let herself go if she was using someone else's words. Maybe the way she just knew Karen chose this song for a reason, for _that_ reason, for an easy way to let Grace know where she stood. Maybe the way Karen held her, how it made her feel so protected and so free at the same time. Maybe it was all of it mixing together to overwhelm her completely, to where she didn't know what else to do but brush her lips against Karen's and hope it said everything she knew she couldn't.

But whatever it was, from the way Karen kissed back, she knew she got her point across.

"I could listen to you sing forever," Grace finally managed when Karen pulled away, nearly a whisper.

The dark haired woman let a low giggle escape her lips. "Careful what you wish for, honey," she murmured, so softly that Grace couldn't tell if it was a joke or if she meant it; she never pegged Karen Walker to be insecure, but after these last few days of surprises, how could be sure of anything she thought she knew?

"No, I'm serious." The redhead felt the way Karen's hold on her tightened and she smiled. "It's like you could sing anybody's words, it doesn't matter whose, and it would still be your truth. It would still be _the_ truth."

"Yeah?" Karen smiled, the light in her eyes blinding. "Well...in that case…" She studied the woman in her arms, made sure she had Grace's full attention, and their eyes had been locked for a few moments, she took a breath.

"_I'm so proud  
__You chose me from all the crowd  
__There's no other girl I'd rather be  
__I could laugh out loud  
I'm so lucky to be me"_

Karen's gaze never once wavered from Grace's as she sang, the look in her eyes so lovingly serious it made the redhead think back to the moment she decided to bring the unlikeliest assistant into her world, when she had a pile of qualified résumés on her desk she probably should have been picking from. There had been something about Karen the day they met that made her want to be part of the dark haired woman's life, no matter how small of a part she ended up being. She wanted to figure Karen out; she wanted to know where this woman would take her. She had no way of knowing that this woman would take her to this moment, to a place where she would be wrapped in Karen's arms while Karen's voice tied itself around this song like a ribbon. She had no way of knowing that this woman would take her to a place where she would feel so incredibly loved and couldn't believe she'd gone so long without knowing what that truly felt like. But now that they were here, now that she was in Karen's embrace, listening to her song and knowing without a doubt that she believed what she was singing, Grace was certain that this, right here, could have been their only destination.

She had never known a moment as perfect as this. Five nights in, and it already took all Grace had to keep herself from spoiling everything by blurting out those three little words resting on the tip of her tongue. Because five nights was too soon. Of course it was too soon. Just out of a marriage, clinging to the first person who treated her with the kindness she didn't realize she had been lacking until she had it again. It reeked of desperation. It wasn't a good look. And god knew Karen always had something to say about what looked good.

Then again...if this was seven years in the making like she wanted to believe it was, if this started the moment "Welcome to Grace Adler Designs" traveled from her lips to Karen's ear, would it be so bad if she said it now? Wouldn't it just be the culmination of all of those lingering touches, those looks and laughs and turns of phrase that were second nature to them? Wasn't this what they were waiting for, what all these years of thinly-veiled flirting were for? After all, seven years was a long time to get to "I love you."

But seven years would be worth it if it meant that she got to hear how those words sounded in Karen's lilt.

Soon, the song faded into silence. Soon, Karen remembered the bottle of wine they had abandoned and made her way to the dining table to pour each of them a glass. Soon, Grace had missed her window and had to swallow those words back down and keep them at bay for just a little bit longer. But it didn't bother her. She could always do it later, when the time felt right. Because she was convinced they had all the time in the world.

From then on, they danced every night. They skipped around 9C's music collection at first, trying out a few other tunes so they wouldn't turn those first lyrics, that first melody, that first memory into something they could no longer stand. But they always came back to that song. It was their song. They always wanted to hear their song. And Grace always wanted to hear Karen singing their song to her, the dark haired woman's voice sounding sweeter, more sentimental than she had ever known Karen Walker to be. She always wanted to hear Karen hum to the piano interlude, hear her harmonize with the singer when she wanted to shake things up a little bit. She always wanted Karen to twirl her when they reached the glissando in the music-to be able to glide across the living room the same way those notes sounded like they were gliding across the piano-and she always wanted Karen to pull her back in again so they could listen to it fade out in each other's arms.

As far as Grace was concerned, this song and this woman were all she ever needed.

One night during that last week alone, though, she could swear she heard something different in Karen's voice when they danced. The same words, the same tune, but tinged with something that almost sounded like sadness. But every time she got a good look at Karen, it had been when she stopped singing and there were no traces of the darkness she thought she heard lingering anywhere. She started telling herself she was imagining it, that maybe she was projecting her own feelings about Will and Jack coming home soon. She liked the way things were now, liked how this was her reality. She wanted it to keep going, wanted Will and Jack to discover this new connection and not ask questions, just accept it as the inevitability she was wholeheartedly convinced it was. But she knew that wasn't how Will operated. He would want details, he would want to analyze. He would want her to explain herself and give a better answer than the cliche she had at the ready (because, honestly, it really _did_ just happen and she really _didn't_ plan it). And as much as she loved him, she didn't want him casting a shadow on her bliss.

She couldn't help it; she wanted Karen to herself. She couldn't bear to think about sharing her again. Not after they had created such a perfect little world that fit the two of them like a glove. So she tried to push it out of her mind, tried to focus on the present, tried not to let it affect her time with Karen. And she didn't give a voice to the change in the air that couldn't seem to leave them alone.

It wasn't until the day before Will was supposed to come back from his trip that it became glaringly obvious to Grace that something was off with Karen. She watched the way Karen tried to put on a brave face as they sat across from each other at their street cafe. She wasn't sure if she should be proud that she knew Karen well enough to be able to see through the mask, or worried that she was probably the cause for the mask to even be used in the first place. After all, their guys were gone, they've only been around each other for the last three weeks; who else could be blamed? Still, she tried to give Karen a reassuring smile as started to broach the subject. "What's with the face?"

Karen furrowed her brow, tried to wave her girl off. "Whaddya talk? I'm fine," she chirped a little too enthusiastically.

"Kare, you've been moping for the last two days, and you're moping now."

"Honey, I don't mope."

Her stubbornness would have been infuriating if it wasn't one of the things Grace found so oddly endearing about her. The redhead almost brushed it off, thinking they could just get through whatever it was Karen was going through. Except she knew that Karen was thinking about Will's return, about Jack's return. She knew that Karen was thinking about where that left them. Because she was thinking it too; she was just trying to make it seem like she wasn't because she knew that's what Karen was trying to do. "Look, I know you want everyone to think that Karen Walker doesn't do emotions, but I know you. You feel things. You can't do what we've been doing the last few weeks...you can't kiss me the way you kiss me and tell me you don't feel things." She saw the slightest hint of a smile on Karen's lips and instinctively brushed her touch against her own like they had just pulled away from each other. "Just tell me what's going on."

Karen shrugged, shook her head. "I'm just thinking about tomorrow. Trying to brace myself for when we have to go back to the way things were."

"Who says we have to go back to the way things were? I thought we were doing pretty well here."

"Well, sure we are...because Wilma's not around."

Grace hesitated for a moment, feeling like she already knew the answer to the question she was about to ask. "What difference does it make whether or not Will's around?"

"Gracie...we've known each other for a long time. I've seen how you are when you start to really care about someone. You don't want Will to get upset, you don't want him to judge. At least not until you know it's going somewhere. So you keep it from him until you know. It's what happened with Nathan. It's what happened with Leo...although, I will never understand why you cared about that guy so much."

The redhead couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped her; it was just like Karen to get one quick jab in there, and she had to admit, it was pretty warranted when it came to her ex-husband. She tried to recover as quickly as she could. "But I didn't care about them like I care about you. You're more important to me than they ever were."

"I can't shake the feeling that that's worse somehow. Like maybe it'll make you more secretive around him. And after being so out in the open these last few weeks, I don't think I could stand it if we had to sneak around." Karen took a breath, like she wasn't sure if she wanted to keep going but knew she had to. "Let's face it, honey, Will and I aren't exactly the best of friends. And I know how protective he can be when it comes to you. I don't blame him, really. But can you honestly tell me that if I stayed with you tomorrow, you could welcome him home while I held your hand?"

Grace hesitated for a moment, working her way through the tangle of thoughts in her mind. "Maybe I would need some time," she said softly, hearing Karen's sigh of resignation and immediately scrambling to fix what she started to break. "I'm not talking like a month or anything crazy, Karen. Just a couple of days. I'm going to talk to him. I _am."_

"Honey, I know you mean well, but it's the same thing every time." It was incredible how Karen didn't sound angry, incredible how she didn't sound critical of Grace. But it crushed the redhead to hear her speak like she was simply stating facts. It wasn't what she wanted for them; it wasn't what she wanted for herself. But before she could try to talk it out, Karen continued. "You want to say something, but you keep putting it off. You want to wait for the right time, but you're waiting for a time that will never come. It takes you a little longer to get there. And I know that. It's okay."

"No it's not," Grace said softly, to the point where it didn't seem like Karen heard her.

"I don't want to be your secret, Grace. I want to be your pride." Karen gave a half smile that couldn't fully hide the sadness as she slid her hand over Grace's. "But I only want to be your pride when you're ready for me."

This couldn't end. Grace wouldn't let it. Not after spending day after day after day surrounded by everything she ever wanted, hand in hand with the one person she never thought she'd be lucky enough to be hand in hand with. She wove her fingers with Karen's and tried to calm the nerves that threatened to steal her voice. "Karen, you have to believe me. I'm ready for you. I've _been_ ready for you. I was ready for you the second I met you. It's different this time, I promise. You mean too much to me to ever be a secret. And I refuse to let anyone get in the way of this, of us. Okay?"

She thought she sounded firm enough in her sentiment, although she couldn't be sure; the silence between them was brief but excruciating. But just when Grace was beginning to think that her plea wouldn't be enough, Karen's eyes got the slightest bit hopeful, her smile growing the slightest bit brighter. And if there was still doubt lingering in her mind, she made sure she didn't show it.

"Okay, honey," the dark haired woman murmured. "I hear you. We'll be just fine."

"We will. And _he'll_ be fine, too. He'll get used to it. Once he realizes how happy you make me, he'll get used to it. You'll see. In a few days, you'll look back on this and wonder why you were so worried about it."

Karen nodded her agreement, and for the time being, it seemed like she believed Grace. So Grace was able to believe herself.

It made it easier to slip back into their routine for the rest of the day.

They went back to 9C, they danced to their song. Grace couldn't bring herself to let go when she wrapped her arms around Karen. Karen burrowed herself as deeply as she could into Grace's embrace. They broke out the wine, they watched the sunset from the terrace. Grace asked Karen to stay the night the way she did every night, like the answer wasn't already known. Karen told Grace she would, like she hadn't spent the last few weeks acting like Grace's bed was her bed. As Grace curled herself into Karen underneath the sheets, she reveled in the overwhelming way that Karen felt like home. And as she listened to Karen's breath even out into sleep, she smiled as she fell deeper into slumber, because she knew she had every intention of keeping this feeling forever. She had every intention of telling Will, of standing firm, of being proud of what she had found while he was away. And she had every intention of holding Karen's hand the entire time.

But that's the problem with even the best of intentions: they don't mean a thing if you don't act on them.


	2. Another Wintertime Has Come and Gone

"_**Now another wintertime has come and gone  
**__**The pigeons feeding in the square have flown  
**__**But I remember when the vespers chimed  
**__**You loved me once upon a summertime"**_

It was inevitable, really; it didn't matter what Grace's intentions were. Will came back, and after the obligatory recap of his trip, Grace tried to find a window, but couldn't. And then Jack came back, and it got even harder. A couple of days became a week, two weeks, three. The forget me nots started to wither and fade in the vase. And their namesake promise seemed to wither and fade right along with them. Because by the time those flowers started disappearing into themselves, any evidence that Grace and Karen had found something in each other vanished too. On the surface, it didn't seem to phase Karen; her poker face around the guys was impressively impenetrable. But Grace knew better. After three weeks of living with the truest version of the dark haired woman she had ever known, of course she knew better. Which is why she tried to find the right words around Will, tried to open each window she came across.

But she could never find the right words. And every window seemed shut, stuck in place no matter how hard she tried to open it.

What crushed Grace more than anything at first was how Karen made it look so easy, going back to the way things were without complaint. She knew that couldn't be the case; she knew they couldn't have spent their time together like they had for the last few weeks without it meaning something, without it meaning everything. But the dark haired woman was so good at hiding it that sometimes, Grace was convinced she had imagined the whole thing, that the heat of the summer and the lack of clients to keep her occupied conspired against her to create a vision she could have sworn she lived through, but she had no proof to back up her story. She watched Karen be her usual bubbly self around Jack as he caught her up on his cruise and she told him how dull it was around here without him (it was for show, Grace knew that, kept telling herself that, but it still hurt). She watched Karen fall into her usual sparring matches with Will, and Grace couldn't help but wonder if what happened between them was fueling her wit this time around, if she was taking her frustration out on him without anyone questioning it because this was just what they always did. She watched Karen go back to her usual _Vogue_ without any fuss, like there was never a time when that wasn't part of her routine. And Grace was left trying to tell herself that it was better this way, when she knew that it wasn't.

She wanted to say something, talk it all out when they had a moment alone in the office. But when the boys came back, so did Grace's clients. And if it wasn't Jack hanging out by Karen's desk filling her in on his last date or Will dropping in to take Grace out to lunch, it was Grace trying to talk this client out of wicker or Grace trying to talk that client into the overstuffed chair that would absolutely bring the whole room together. By the time things slowed down for the day, Karen was always halfway out the door, heading back to an empty manse, leaving Grace to head back to 9C with a jumbled mess of words that could break the cycle and no way to untangle them.

Finally, a few weeks after the boys' return, when the rush of clients died down for the moment and there was no threat of Will or Jack crashing the party, Grace was alone with Karen, knowing she had to take advantage of the opportunity now, or else waste another few weeks trying to find another opening. She sat at her workspace for a moment, watching the way Karen studied the magazine in her hands with such a laser focus that Grace wondered if she would even hear her if she spoke up. But she knew she had to try. She knew she had to say something, if only to prove to Karen that she was trying.

If only to prove to herself that she could.

"Hey," she murmured, slowly making her way to Karen's desk, the butterflies in her core starting to pick up their pace the closer she got. She wondered why she felt so nervous when she trusted Karen more than she had ever trusted anyone. She realized that was exactly why she was nervous, that because she trusted Karen more than anyone, Karen could let her down more than anyone. She tried to steady herself and speak up anyway. "You know, we haven't really talked about...everything...since the guys came back. Maybe we should."

The dark haired woman's smile seemed so out of place, it devastated Grace. "Honey, what's there to talk about?"

Grace knew she shouldn't be surprised by Karen's answer. It was the default, one of those answers always at the ready when things seemed like they were going to get too real, to make whoever it was aimed at believe that it wasn't such a big deal, even if it was. She remembered the way Karen tried it on her the day before Will came back, the day she eventually told Grace that she was bracing herself for the shadows and Grace made a promise she thought she could keep. But Grace thought they had gotten past trying that. Grace thought that by now, they could dive into the truth without having to use a mask. Grace hated that Karen felt like she had to use one now. "Karen, come on…" She pulled a chair up to Karen's desk so she could be on her level as she spoke, looking her directly in the eye. "Look, I know I haven't talked to Will yet, but that doesn't mean I won't. I swear, it's only-"

"Gracie, stop," Karen said gently. "I told you before, it's okay. I knew what the deal was. I'm not mad at you. You're just not ready yet."

No. That wasn't it. Not at all. Not even slightly. She was so incredibly ready, the impatience for the moment when they could finally be open about it was coursing through her body. It was telling Will in a way that wouldn't make him hate Karen the way he hated Leo-the way he initially hated Nathan-that made her hesitate. But she knew trying to make Karen see that wouldn't do any good, not when she's made up her mind about Grace's motives. So she sighed her defeat, shifted her gaze to her lap. "I'm trying," she said a bit lamely, unable to think of anything that could remotely make this okay.

Karen reached out, slid her hand over Grace's. "I know you are," she murmured. "And I know you've built the whole thing up in your head, like it's this impossible hurdle to jump over. But honey, you shouldn't worry about it so much. It's not going to go as terribly as you think, telling him. You said it yourself, he wants you to be happy. He'll get used to it. Whatever objections you think he might have won't last." She gave Grace's hand a small squeeze, but it didn't feel the way it usually felt. It didn't have the promise and possibility in it that it once did. And it broke Grace's heart. "I know you're not ready to see that yet. But I'll be here when you are."

Grace wanted to say something, anything. She wanted to move in closer. She wanted to kiss Karen. _God,_ she wanted to kiss Karen. She wanted to do something that would give both of them a little bit of hope. But the second she decided to make some kind of move was the second the phone began to ring, piercing the silence, jolting them out of the moment. In an instant, Karen let go of Grace's hand to pick up the phone in a rare bout of work ethic and effectively put an end to the conversation with an overly chipper "Grace Adler Designs" as she put the phone to her ear.

Just like that, Grace felt the loss of that touch the same way she felt it that first day, when Karen let go to pay for the forget me nots that set the tone for the next three weeks. Except this time, she realized there wasn't the same chance of that touch coming back to spark her.

The redhead stood up, pushed her chair back to its original spot before walking over to her drafting table, waiting for the moment Karen would hand the call off to her. She saw the look in the dark haired woman's eyes and wished she could place the feeling behind it. She picked up the phone and wanted to hang up just as quickly, because whoever was on the other line clearly could wait while she sorted out something far more important. But she saw how quickly Karen went back to her magazine, and she knew that the window that had once been opened ever so slightly was now shut for the time being.

They couldn't keep going like this. Grace knew that. It would drive her crazy to sit across the room from Karen without being able to fall into all of the things that so quickly constituted their reality over the summer. And as much as Karen wanted to pretend she was fine with all of this, Grace knew that it couldn't be the case. Not after all that time they shared. She was going to do something about it; she had to. She would find a moment tonight, when she and Will were both home, and she would tell him everything. She wouldn't give him an opportunity to interrupt, would give him the whole story and then brace herself for the whys and the buts and the "Are we talking about the same Karen?" that would almost certainly happen. She would suck up the criticism. She would get past it. She would. Because she'd finally have Karen by her side. They would pick up where they left off. Will would realize how right this was, even if it felt a little strange to him. He would eventually be happy for them. They would embark on a life filled with street cafes and forget me nots and dances across the hardwood floor. It would be real.

They were so close to making this real.

All she had to do was say something.

* * *

Every time a holiday came around, it made her ashamed that she let it go for this long. It made her determined to fix it. They reached Halloween, and she thought she could tell Will about what happened over the summer, assure him that it wasn't a trick, that it was the sweetest treat. They reached Thanksgiving, and she thought she could casually drop it when it was her turn to tell everyone what she was thankful for. They reached Christmas, and she thought she could turn it into a gift for Karen and herself, finally being able to be out in the open like they once were.

They reached New Year's Eve, and she turned it into a resolution, without realizing the fact that she never once kept a single New Year's resolution she ever threw out into the universe.

Every time a holiday came around, it made her ashamed that the let it go for this long. It made her determined to fix it. But then it frustrated her when she couldn't figure out the right way to go about it, just like she couldn't figure it out in the early aftermath, when it wouldn't have been as big of a deal as it was now. It frustrated her that the words didn't come to her. It frustrated her that she let it go for so long that there would now be layers upon layers of questions, and she would have to explain herself in ways she wouldn't have had to if she had been brave enough to take the first chance she had. And it made her stop paying so much attention to the holidays.

By the time Winter was at its most bitter, Grace had mastered the ability to seemingly turn back time, sliding into the woman she knew herself to be before the events of last summer, her mask so believable that at times, she was able to forget for a little while that she had outgrown this version of herself months ago. She and Karen found a groove that resembled their old normal. She saw the way Karen was able to make it work for her. She learned to deal with it herself and tried her best to find some happiness in it. But there were still times when the mask started to slip. There were still times when she looked for an open window. There were still times when it crushed her when she couldn't. But to have Karen in the way she had Karen before that summer-to have innuendo and loaded glances and the million other things Grace would lie and say annoyed her if it meant saving a little face-was better than not having Karen at all.

After a while, she had begun to think she could live like this and be okay.

But then the weather started to turn. Then the birds started singing a little louder and the sun started shining a little brighter. Then it started to feel like summer again. Then the memories got stronger, so vivid that they were all Grace could see at times. She would break for lunch and head out into the city and start walking the path that led to their street cafe for a few minutes before she realized what she was doing. She would pass by flower stands and glance over, trying to spot the forget me nots before she caught herself and shifted her gaze. She would listen to the music Will put on to unwind and wish that eventually, he would land on the song that could bring Karen back to her, if only in her mind. The memories wouldn't leave her alone. And she couldn't take them not being her reality anymore.

She had to do something. She had to tell him. She had to release the secret she swore to Karen she would never keep. Maybe if she told him, it would make her feel better.

She doubted that it would. But she knew she had to tell him anyway.

Grace left another fairly silent day at the office and headed for 9C, realizing Will hadn't made it home yet when she walked through the door. She kicked off her shoes, got comfortable. And then she headed for the stereo, making her way through their music collection until she found what she was looking for, sliding the CD in, holding her breath until she heard that opening piano that used to make Karen's eyes light up as she asked for a dance. It had been months since she last heard this song; in the first few weeks after Will and Jack's return, she would listen to it when her best friend wasn't around, as if it would motivate her to say something sooner rather than later if it brought up the memory of Karen's arms around her waist and voice against her ear. But the longer Grace's silence went on, the harder it was to listen to it without feeling the weight of her guilt. Now, though, she couldn't help herself, stayed close to the stereo as if taking one step away from it would make everything fall silent. She didn't care if it made her feel guilty, and she didn't care if it made her feel sad. She needed to hear it. She needed to remind herself how wonderful the world could be. She needed to feel this, so she could explain everything to Will the right way.

Although she had to admit, as beautiful as the song was on its own, she didn't think the singer on the recording could ever compare to the way Karen sang like it was the truth.

When the song ended, Grace put it on again. She wanted to be surrounded by it. And somewhere in the middle of the third go around, Will walked in the door, setting his briefcase by the fireplace before heading straight for the wine in the kitchen. Grace could feel his eyes on her, could feel him trying to figure out why she was hanging around by the stereo as he reached for a wine glass and a corkscrew. He asked her a question she didn't pay attention to. And she knew that what was on her tongue wouldn't answer it. There was no way it made sense with whatever he wanted to know.

But she finally saw a window that was open, just a crack. So it spilled from her lips anyway.

"I'm in love with Karen."

She didn't mean to blurt it out like that. But if she beat around the bush like she was originally planning on doing, there was a chance she would never say it. There was a chance that the cycle would keep going when all she wanted was for it to stop. She saw the way Will froze in place, his brow furrowed like she had just spoken in a language he didn't understand. "Okay…" he drew out, waiting for her to keep going.

"Look, I know this sounds insane, but it's real. _We_ were real. It only lasted for a few weeks over the summer, until you and Jack came back from your trips. It wasn't even something I was looking for. But nothing was happening at work, and Karen thought it would be a good idea to go outside and find a better way to kill time than just sitting in the office, and...I don't know, I guess it just brought up a lot of feelings I tried not to think about. She bought me flowers. We got close in a cafe. I took her home with me. We danced to this song. I fell in love with her.

"I tried to say something when you came back. I was pretty close a few times. But I kept thinking about what you might say. That I had just left Leo and I was still a little vulnerable. That I was rushing into something to get over the divorce. That I was crazy because it was Karen. And I guess I just wasn't ready for you to burst my bubble like that. But she didn't want this to be a secret, so we just kind of ended up backing off until I told you. And now it's almost been a year, and she probably doesn't even feel the same way about me anymore. But I just thought you needed to know. I can't have this be a secret anymore."

She looked him in the eye, saw the surprise written all over his face. She saw the way he was trying to process everything, the way the gears were turning in his head. She saw the way he took a breath to try to respond. And she watched as he formed the words.

"Wow...all I wanted to know is if I should pour you a glass, too."

Grace furrowed her brow until she registered the wine bottle in his hands and the glasses on the dining table. "Oh. Sure, I guess," she said softly, watching him in silence as he poured. "So…" she started as she grabbed the glass Will held out for her. "What do you think?"

"What do I think?" he asked. She hated that. She hated when people bought time by repeating the question (she paid no mind to the times she had been guilty of doing the same thing). She just wished he would get on with it. And as if he could read her mind, he said, "I think...it's surprising. I mean, Karen? _Karen_ bought you flowers? The woman who likes to call them poor people's jewelry? _That_ woman bought you flowers?"

Grace sighed. "See what I mean? You wouldn't have believed me if I told you. You _don't_ believe me now that I've told you."

"Sweetie, I believe you, I just...didn't realize she had such a soft side to her."

"Yeah, well…" Grace trailed off, at a loss. She wasn't quite sure what she pictured when she thought about this moment, but it definitely wasn't this. But maybe Will saw that. Maybe that was why he seemed to soften as he made his way to the couch and motioned for her to follow.

"Come here," he said, waiting for her to turn off the stereo and join him. When she did, he slid his hand over hers. "I can't believe you waited so long to tell me."

"Well, can you blame me? Can you honestly say you wouldn't have judged me?"

"Yes! Gracie...I know I've been a little hard on your boyfriends in the past, and I know Karen and I don't always get along. But...I don't know, there's something very real about her, even when she flat-out denies it. And it's always been clear that she cares about you. She and I may get into it from time to time, but in spite of all the times she's tried to take a few jabs at me, I don't think she'd ever willingly hurt you." He took a breath like he was trying to figure out how to word what he was about to say next. Grace wondered if she should start bracing herself now. "Look, maybe I would have been worried about you jumping into something so soon after the divorce. I'll give you that. Maybe I would have thought that you were trying to get past it all a little too quickly. But you're a grown up. You know when something feels right and when it doesn't. If it feels right to be with Karen, then who am I to stop that?"

Grace felt the weight of it all finally start to slide off her chest when he said that. "Really?" she asked.

Will pulled her into his arms. "Really," he said before he kissed the crown of her head. "Now, if you had told me you were getting back with _Leo,_ this would be a whole other thing entirely…"

"Oh _god,"_ she groaned into his chest, making him let out a short laugh. "Don't even joke about that." She pulled away just enough so that she could meet his gaze. "You're not weirded out by it?"

"Oh, I'm weirded out by it," he nodded before he let a smirk play across his face to let her know he was joking. He braced himself against Grace's nudge as he tried to get serious. "Honestly, no. I mean, I've seen how close you two have gotten over the years, I guess it was bound to happen eventually. It's different. But different isn't bad."

Well. Grace couldn't argue with that.

She leaned back into the couch and took a long sip of her wine. "Different _isn't_ bad. But it's gone," she said, softly letting the fate she had accepted hit the air.

"How do you know?" Will asked. "How do you know if you don't talk to her?"

"Will, why would she wait this long for something she wasn't sure was going to happen?"

"Probably for the same reason you decided to tell me at all, when you could have just let it go. She loves you."

"You don't know that. I don't know that."

"Then go find out. Talk to her. Figure out where you stand."

God, he made it sound so simple, like everything didn't depend on those words. Like she would be the same person if she ever found out she lost Karen like that. Just the thought of it stole her voice, reduced her to a whisper. "I don't know if I can."

"Grace, come on. You told me. The world didn't end. And I'll be here for you no matter what she says; we can work through it. So what's holding you back now?"

Time, she wanted to say. The fact that she kept waiting because...why? She was selfish? She didn't want it to hurt when she told him? She didn't want to make it awkward for herself? She had so many reasons that she could give him. But then she remembered what Karen said the first time she tried to talk about it, a few weeks after Will and Jack came back from their vacations. She remembered how Karen told her she'd be there when Grace was ready. And Grace was ready. She had no reason to expect that Karen was still waiting (although, unless she was keeping it a secret, Grace wasn't aware of any new romances in her assistant's life). But she was ready. She wanted to let Karen know what she had done. She wanted it to lead to everything she had been dreaming of for the last year. But if it didn't, she knew she wouldn't be alone. She knew Will would be by her side, and she knew he would be gentle.

She didn't want to think about what would happen if Karen turned her down.

But it didn't seem so impossible now, to live through it if she did.

She just wanted to know if there was still a chance.

So really...what _was_ holding her back?

"Nothing," she said, surprised by how much she meant it.

Will smiled and clinked his glass with Grace's in solidarity. And as the sound rang out, her mind started to clear itself of all the obstacles that once cluttered it. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe it would be everything she wanted. Maybe it would be everything she feared. But she knew Will was right. She knew she had to talk to Karen. And she knew it had to be soon. She drained the rest of her wine as she tried to figure out what to say when she got into work the next day. Because if she wasn't going to do it tomorrow, she wasn't going to do it at all.

And she needed to do it. She needed to know. Even if it ended up breaking her heart.

* * *

She wanted to ease into it. She didn't want to spook Karen off. After all, it _had_ been nearly a year since they were together; to dive into this now the way she dove into it with Will last night could very quickly turn into a disaster. For all Grace knew, Karen didn't feel the things for her she once did. For all Grace knew, it would be easier to keep pretending like those three weeks were just a dream. For all Grace knew, they didn't have a chance.

But she had to try.

She knew it would be a slow day in the office, the only thing on her calendar being her usual lunch date with Will which, if she was being completely honest, she was slightly dreading; she figured he'd be asking her more about what it's been like to work in the midst of the history she has with Karen, and she was in no mood to field those questions. But even with the promise of what would surely be an uncomfortable meal, there was plenty of time to try to get Karen's attention. There was even time to try a plan B, if whatever she came up with first failed (she could always hit Will up for advice if she absolutely needed to; he would grudgingly agree to help even if he was still getting used to the idea of his best friend falling for her assistant). So she gave Karen enough time to settle in for the work day ahead, gave herself enough time to make it convincingly look like she was focused on her business and not the woman sitting across from her. She opened up a sketchbook and took a pencil to it, drawing it along the paper in random twists and turns that she hoped looked like actual work. And when she couldn't take the silence anymore, she started to hum. Soft at first, to where she wasn't sure if Karen could even hear her.

But soon enough, she could hear the dark haired woman join her.

Grace sneaked a quick peek at Karen and found her with her focus still on her magazine, almost like she didn't register the fact that Grace was the one who put the song in her head, almost like she didn't register the fact that she was humming at all. The redhead wondered if Karen even realized what they were humming, that it was their song, the one they used to dance to every night. So she turned her eyes back to the sketchpad and took it one step further, parting her lips, making every effort to stay in the lower, more controlled register of her voice as she sang.

"_I'm so proud  
__You chose me from all the crowd  
__There's no other girl I'd rather be"_

She could feel Karen's gaze shift to her, could feel the way it was so charged with confusion and curiosity and (could it be?) hope, the electricity of it nearly threw her off. But she knew she had Karen's attention now; there was no way she could stop.

"_I could laugh out loud  
__I'm so lucky to be me"_

Grace let the final note ring out for a second before she set her pencil down on the drafting table and looked up from her sketchpad, meeting Karen's furrowed brow, waiting for her to break the silence that ached to be shattered.

"Honey, why are you…" Karen started to ask, unable to finish the question.

Well. Here you go, Grace. Now or never.

"Because I told him last night. About everything." She saw the look of surprise on Karen's face, bit her lip to keep from smiling over the fact that she could surprise Karen at all. "I know I should have done it a long time ago. Turns out you were right all along. I was waiting for a right time that would never come. And I hurt you-I hurt us-while I waited." God, she knew Karen would never admit to being hurt by that, but it didn't make it any less true. And that truth tasted so bitter as she held it in her mouth. "Karen...I'm not expecting anything to come out of this. I mean, it's been a year. For all I know, you've moved on in ways that I can't. But it's like I told you; you mean too much to me to be a secret. He needed to know, regardless of whether or not there's still a chance. Because you're still my pride." She took a breath, knowing she was about to take a risky leap. They never said it out loud in the three weeks they had together, although she felt it every day of their time together and felt it every day since. And if she was going to do this, she might as well go all the way. "I still love you."

She swore she saw Karen's lips start to curl into a smile, and she hoped to god she didn't imagine it. "Gracie," she murmured, her voice soft and sweet. "I-"

The whirr of the freight elevator coming to life cut in, startling each of them into silence before Grace let out a small, frustrated groan. Because she knew it was Will, coming to get her for lunch. And she could kill him over his terrible timing. She deflated a little when the elevator door opened and Karen ripped her gaze away from her like they had just been caught red handed. Because of course they weren't going to talk about this in front of an audience, even if the audience knew everything. Karen wasn't about to open herself up like that in front of him. And Grace didn't want her to. Grace wanted this moment to themselves. Grace wanted Will to get right back on that elevator and leave without a word. But she knew that wasn't going to happen. So she gave herself a second and put on as bright of a face as she possibly could.

"Are you ready?" he asked, before he shifted his gaze to Karen like he could sense he just interrupted something.

Grace nodded as she fumbled for her purse. "Let's go." She saw the way Will still had his eyes on Karen, saw the way Karen began to notice and lock her stare on him, like they were in some kind of silent showdown neither one of them was sure they'd win. She knew they were each studying each other in a completely new light, and she couldn't stand it, knowing how quickly it could turn into another one of their razor sharp back and forths. She quickened her pace, tried to pull Will towards the elevator before either one of them said anything to the other, only felt like she could breathe again when the door closed and the elevator started its descent.

She tried her hardest to be present for him. But she couldn't help it; her mind was with Karen. And she wished the rest of her was, too.

Grace barely heard anything Will said to her over lunch; she was too occupied with what happened before his arrival, thinking about what Karen was about to say before the elevator stopped her, dreading the possibility of being let down easy. And when she did hear him, she found herself dodging the questions she expected to dodge. No, nothing happened before he got to the office. Yes, everything's fine. Yes, Karen's fine. Well, she wasn't the reason he was there, so why should she have to say anything to him? She wasn't acting different, she was acting like Karen. Yes, really. Don't worry. It's not awkward. Yes. Really. _Everything's fine._ Stop asking.

She couldn't remember the last time she lied to him so much so easily. But she didn't know what else to do.

When she came back to the office, Grace could sense a shift in the air, but she couldn't quite figure out why. Nothing seemed out of place, nothing seemed like it changed in the time she had been off with Will. Maybe that martini glass on her desk had been refilled a couple of times, but Karen was still seated at her post, eyes cast down on her magazine, almost like Grace had never started humming, never got the dark haired woman to join her, never sang the words back to Karen that she always made sound like the truth. And Grace's heart started to sink, because she was right back where she started. God, they were so close. The words she wanted to hear were on the tip of Karen's tongue; she could feel it. She had to believe they were. But even if they were, who's to say Grace will ever hear them after today? If Will could so easily interrupt such an important moment between them without realizing it, who's to say he won't do it again? And who would want that? Who would want a relationship where you can never be sure when someone will be dropping in on your most intimate moments? No wonder Karen didn't look up when she came back. No wonder she was silent. No wonder...

Grace lost her train of thought, stopping in her tracks as she took in the sight of her workspace.

Because in the middle of the table, on top of that open sketchbook decorated with the random pencil scratches she drew to busy herself just hours ago, was a fresh bouquet of forget me nots.

Grace couldn't contain the gasp of surprise that escaped her. Impossible. She couldn't believe they were real. Even after she picked them up and felt the weight of them in her hands, she couldn't believe they were real. She couldn't believe that Karen had gone out of her way to do this, to make sure that these were waiting for her return. She couldn't believe that after nearly a year of waiting for this moment, of trying to get here but never quite knowing how, it turned out to be as easy as a bunch of flowers resting on her drafting table. She was so focused on how vibrant their blue was-just as vibrant as she remembered-that it took her a second to realize there had been a small card resting next to the bouquet. She opened it up to find Karen's handwriting making the words they once danced to look so stunningly beautiful:

_I am simply thunderstruck  
__At this change in my luck_

And underneath those lyrics, a postscript in parentheses:

_(By the way, I still love you, too.)_

Suddenly, the frustration that Grace felt over Will's entrance and the way the timing of it all faded away. Because the way she got the words that were on the tip of Karen's tongue was perfect. The way the dark haired woman brought it all the way back to their beginning was perfect. Their flowers, their song. The way they clearly meant as much to Karen as they did to Grace. It all came together so brilliantly with such a deceptive simplicity. She could feel tears of relief start to rise to the surface, knowing that it wasn't too late, knowing that Karen still wanted her, Karen still loved her.

Karen still wanted to be her pride.

"Thank god..." she whispered to herself. She wanted to break the silence, but the second she turned around and saw the dark haired woman's growing smile, any thought that didn't involve taking in the vision in front of her now became scrambled in her mind. Thankfully, Karen always was one to come to the rescue when it counted.

"Come on, honey. Let's get out of here." She stood up from her desk, grabbed her purse, and held out her hand for the redhead to take. "I don't know about you, but I could go for a cappuccino right about now."

Grace couldn't stifle the laugh that escaped her lips. She rushed across the office, grabbed Karen's hand, and pulled her in to press a kiss to her lips, sighing as the months of silence and longing and pretending melted away. She felt the way Karen relaxed into her body and was overwhelmed by how much she missed this, by how well they fit together, by the way it weakened her when Karen smiled into her mouth, by how Karen still tasted like home.

God, it felt so good to come back home.

"Okay," she murmured as she finally, reluctantly broke the kiss. "Whisk me away."

Karen gave Grace's hand a squeeze before she brought it to her lips and kissed her palm "Gladly," she said, the warmth in her voice still as intoxicating as it was at the start of their daydream love affair. She opened the door to the office, tugging gently on Grace's hand as they left.

And she led her girl out into the haze of the Manhattan summer.


End file.
